The Rise of the Fallen

Wind flips me head over heels, my wings doing nothing to stop my fall. Slowly, the luxurious feathers go from a heavenly white to the darkest of blacks.

"No," I cry out, tears streaming down my face as I plummet towards Earth. Feathers suddenly fly loose around me, and I try to move, but it's no use. I am disgraced and banished from heaven. My noble job as a guardian is over.

My body collides with the earth, the impact knocking the wind from my lungs, and my body aches, but nothing hurts worse than the utter embarrassment and shame I feel. Clouds roll overhead, darkening the skies and changing the once-sunny day into a terrible omen as thunder claps and lightning strikes above me.

I roll over, dragging myself from the ground. I look around to see where I've landed. A lively village stood at a standstill as people watched me. I stood before them, hair hanging in front of my eyes, face streaked with tears, and great wings that made their birds of prey look like common chickens. A pin could drop, and it would sound like a gong in the silence.

"Get Out!" My voice boomed, and the thunder echoed my command. My god, my father, has done this to me. To forsake me, leaving me among common men. Screams of terror broke out, and everyone raced away. They thought they could hide in their homes, but I would burn them to the ground so I could live the rest of eternity alone.

Channeling my anger, the lightning strikes the fabric along the market stalls. Flames ignite and spread as more bolts of violent electricity echo my rage. Before my fall, I would have cared for the humans, but now, why would I? My purpose is gone; I have no need for compassion. Screams ring out around me, but no one dares to fight me.

Eventually, the noise dies down, and the flames engulf everything. Exhausted and defeated, I drop to the ground, bringing my knees to my chest and burying my face as more tears pour from my eyes. Then, as if the heavens themselves were weeping, it rained, putting out the fires and leaving me soaked to the bone.

"Now you mock me," I yell towards the sky. Every emotion builds in my chest until I feel I can't breathe, and the only thing I can do is scream.

I have no idea how long I stayed in that position. It could have been hours, days, or even months. I only barely noticed the change in the weather. The rain annoyed me. It made my dress cling to my body uncomfortably. The heat of the sun was nice until it was unbearable. The wind felt different, though. Every breeze is a gentle touch, a soothing caress with a delightfully sweet fragrance. Even when the wind became vicious, and my hair swirled around me, it felt as if it was urging me to get up and move.

"Excuse me? Are you dead?" A young woman's voice asks timidly.

Lifting my head, I see round brown eyes, much like a doll's, with rosy cheeks and a curious tilt to her head. A woman kneels before me, waiting for my response.

"I told everyone to leave," I say as I drop my head back down onto my knees.

"You did, but I stayed. I know about the angels and what happens when they fall."

"Then you would know to stay far, far away from me." I don't bother to look up at her again.

"I know, but I've never been one to listen. I cleared up the debris around the largest of the houses. Thankfully, the fire damage was minimal, so you can get out of the rain and maybe sleep inside." Her soft voice draws my head up once more.

"What's your name?" I ask.

"Rowan." She grips her skirt nervously, and I watch her closely.

"Why would you help me?" I sit straighter as I wait for her answer and stretch my wings behind me. They're stiff, and even though they ache, it feels good to move them again.

"Well, you don't seem evil, even if you burned down a whole village and chased people from their homes. I have done and said some terrible things while I was angry, and I can imagine you were more than angry." She continues to fiddle with her skirt.

"Indeed." I don't want to indulge her in why I had fallen. It was none of her business.

"I watched you day in and day out for three months, and you have done nothing but sit in that very spot, silently."

"Well, you would be right. I'm not evil, but once an angel has fallen, all manner of terrible things will happen. Famine, floods, natural disasters, the list goes on and on. I can only abate them a little since I can control the elements, but Father has a nasty way of fighting back."

"You mean God?" she asks innocently.

"Yes."

"Well, I'm not a follower of God, at least, not your god," she says nervously, as if I'll judge her for her choice. I knew firsthand that other gods existed, but Father always made us turn our backs on them, refusing to acknowledge their power, even when some rivaled or outmatched him.

"Where is this house you speak of?" I ask. I can't stay huddled on the ground forever. Three months without moving had taken a toll on my body; everything was stiff and achy when I finally moved.

"It's right down here. I'll show you." Rowan stands and leads the way. She looks about the average height of a human woman, but following behind her makes me feel much taller than I usually do.

"Here it is," she says, holding her hand out to point to the modest home. It appears that this is one of the few homes where the roof remains fully intact.

I should be happy that one home was left standing, but a part of me wanted everything to burn, even if I'm grateful it didn't now. I tuck my wings as I enter the door. The floors and walls are wooden and primitive. I guess it's better than sitting on the ground, but it's nothing like the lavish room I've grown accustomed to. Lavish may be a stretch, but it was clean and always perfectly warm, unlike here. I wipe a finger along the table, and it isn't exactly dirty or clean. I'll have to make the best of it.

"My room is down here. The room upstairs will be yours." Rowan says as she moves toward the quaint kitchen, a door just beyond it.

"You're staying here with me?" I ask, curious why she would feel comfortable enough with me to live under the same roof as a fallen angel.

"Unless you want me to leave. I can try to make do in one of the other houses, but it will take a while for repairs since so many of them have over half the roof missing, and the walls—" I hold up a hand to stop her rambling.

"It's fine. I don't mind." Rowan lets out a relieved sigh, her face relaxing. Again, I'm curious how she can feel at ease around me so quickly.

"If you want to clean up, there is a stream not too far from here."

I nod and go upstairs to see where I'll be sleeping. Not that I need to.

"Oh, I'll be leaving tomorrow morning. I have to pick up some things in the next town over. I'll be gone a few days, and you can get settled," Rowan says.

"Okay," I say over my shoulder, and she busies herself with something. I reach the top of the stairs to find it open, with a bed, nightstand, and wardrobe. The ceiling lowers with the roof, and I have to duck to get to the bed.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I drop my head into my hands, and my cruel mind takes me back to the day Sebastian had betrayed me. Anger flared hot beneath my skin, but I let out a deep sigh, not having the energy to stay mad. Why was I stupid enough to let my guard down? I know we were close once, and maybe that's why I so stupidly believed the lies he told me. A part of me wishes we could still be close, but too much has changed between us. I had let him down, and it ruined his life. I guess now we're even.

Rowan's soft voice carries up to me as she hums a tune, and as nice as it is, I need quiet. So, I make my way back outside, wandering the streets until I reach the stream beyond the walls. It isn't nearly deep enough to bathe in, so I follow it down slightly until I find a small pool. The water is calm, so I untie my dress and pull it over my head. The first step into the water is frigid, so once I was up to my hips, I laid my hand on the surface of the water, drawing heat from the rocks that had been sitting in the warm sunlight and drawing it into the water. Now it feels closer to a natural hot spring instead of an icy pool.

Dipping my head beneath the surface, I rinse my hair and come back up to grab my dress. I pull it into the water and scrub the mud that had caked around the bottom. After a few minutes of scrubbing, the feeling of being watched washes over me. Turning, I find no one.

"Who's there?" I demand, before Rowan steps out from behind a nearby wall, shielding her eyes to avoid seeing me naked.

"Sorry, I just came to wash some things, but I can come back," she says, turning her back to me.

"It's fine. I'm almost done, anyway."

"Are you sure?" Rowan turns toward me as I stand.

I lay my dress along the grass and use my magic to draw the water from the wet material. Individual water drops pull from between the fibers, lifting into the air, until they form a larger ball, before guiding it back into the pool.

"Wow," Rowan says. "How did you do that?"

"I have control over the elements," I answer with a shrug.

"So, you caused the lightning and the fire, didn't you?" she asks. I look up, expecting malice or even contempt in her eyes, but she looks at me curiously.

"Yes. It wasn't my finest moment," I admit.

"Amazing." That was definitely not the answer I was expecting. I step out of the water and do the same thing with the water coating my body and hair before putting my dress back on.

"Do you need help with your laces?" Rowan asks.

"No. I've been doing this alone for centuries. I can manage." I answer honestly, and when I turn, she looks almost hurt. It seems she's eager to help, but I don't understand why.

"Of course," she mutters.

"Thank you for the house," I say awkwardly, wanting to offer her some gratitude so she wouldn't look so sad.

"You're welcome. I know it's not a lot."

"I appreciate it either way. You didn't have to help me."

Rowan nods and smiles at me before I turn and head back to the house to rest; maybe sleep will help.         

---

I woke to find Rowan already gone, but she had left a note asking me to bring in the washing from the line. I grab the basket near the door. It's the same one I saw Rowan carrying yesterday when she washed the clothes, so I'm assuming it's the correct one. When I open the door, a warm breeze brushes against my skin, my blonde hair drifting in the wind in front of my face, and I have to admit it feels nice. The sky is darkening as the sun makes its descent. I guess I slept longer than I thought.

Walking over to the line, the clothes feel warm and dry from the late afternoon sun. I put them in the basket when the sense that I'm not alone creeps over me again, but I know Rowan left. I drop an apron into the basket before walking down the cobbled pathway onto the street.

"Ephemera?" A lilting masculine voice bounces off the walls and down the empty roads of the abandoned village.

"Shit," I mutter the curse to myself, as I work up the will to deal with the bane of my existence.

"I know you're here. They've bound you to this godforsaken place."

"All thanks to you." I move from behind a collapsing wall, my now black dress trailing behind me. It was once white with the most beautiful gold details along the corseted bodice and shoulders, but once I fell, the white turned black along with my wings, branding me a disgrace.

"Aw, don't be angry with me. I was doing you a favor." Sebastian's black hair contrasts with his pale skin, and his eyes are an insidious shade of red, a constant reminder of how I had failed him. He puts on a playful pout. You would think he was trying to get on my good side if it wasn't for the dagger he spins between his fingers.

"Stealing Gabriel's Horn and trying to bring the apocalypse was not doing me a favor!" My voice boomed with the power of thunder. The clouds darken, turning a menacing shade of gray as they roll in, and my anger rises.

"Nothing happened. The world is perfectly safe." He rolls his eyes, waving me off, but his dagger remains ready.

"I thought I could trust you," I say, disappointed.

"The way I thought I could trust you. Until your precious god called you away, leaving me to the vampire lord who turned me into this?" He sneered at me, and the guilt turned in my stomach.

"You know I had to. I never wanted—"

"It's water under the bridge. Now, we get to spend eternity trying to kill each other. What could be better than that?" His fangs flash at me with a cruel smile.

"A vampire versus a fallen angel. How thrilling." Sarcasm drips off my tongue as I kick at a small rock. "Wish we had better scenery."

"At least we can agree on one thing." Sebastian moves toward me casually, but my muscles are ready to fight. He stops short. "You know, we could just have some passionate hate sex instead," he says, his eyes darkening with a devious smile.

"I made that mistake once. I won't do it again."

"Pity. I rather enjoyed hearing your screams," he chuckles darkly.

Heat flushes along my skin at his words. My body deceives me, and I crave his touch. The look in his eyes tells me he knows that. With unthinkable speed, his body slams into mine, pinning me against the crumbling wall, a dagger pressed to my throat. Small pieces of the rubble fall around us, and his face is impossibly close to mine.

Heat blossoms in my hand as blue fire covers my skin, and I hold it close to him. His eyes look at the flames, but his face never moves.

"If you try to kill me, I'll burn you from the inside out," I say between my teeth.

"I love it when you're angry with me," Sebastian presses the dagger a little harder, the bite of the blade digging into my flesh. "Just one quick slice, and all that delicious blood would spill from your perfect neck," he says as he runs his nose along my jaw, and a shiver runs through me.

"Mmm. So you do still want me," he says as he steps back, but the fire never leaves my hand.

"What do you want?" I demand, not wanting to play these games with him.

"I want to kill God, and you're going to help me."

I scoff, "You're delusional."

Sebastion paces in front of me. "I realize you're the one who was supposed to protect me, and you failed." My stomach sinks, and guilt twists my heart, making my chest ache. "But you had orders to follow, and those orders came from God. I'm this way because he called you away. So I want to kill him. Then I'll kill you," he says with a charming smile, and the itch of the fire in my hand makes me want to hurl it at him.

"I'm not helping you," I say firmly.

"Oh, but you will. If God is dead, then the angels are free to do whatever they want."

"I want to do my job," I shout. Thunder claps in the distance.

"Well, we saw how well that went." Sebastian's eyes flared with anger.

"I can't change what happened. If I had stayed, I would have fallen sooner. Disobeying his direct orders would've made me useless to you, and leaving meant you would turn into a vampire. No matter what I chose to do, it was never going to have a good outcome."

"You left me to save your own ass. How righteous of you," he sneered.

"What do you want me to say? That I was wrong? Fine, I was wrong. I wish I could take back what I did, but I can't. Either way, he found out about us, and I still fell. It doesn't matter now."

The flame fades from my palm as sadness sweeps over me. When I failed Sebastian, I was on a tightrope, but when Father found out I had slept with him, I was a disgrace. Angels are never, under any circumstances, supposed to have sex with a human, but I did something worse.

He was already a vampire.

I begged for his forgiveness, and Sebastian convinced me he was over it until he stole my necklace. A simple silver chain. It's unassuming and nothing special, except that it's precious to an angel. It's the very thing I need to enter heaven.

When he took it, he broke into heaven and tried to steal the Horn of Gabriel like an idiot. The fact that he's standing here alive is a miracle in itself.

"Don't you want revenge? He is the one who put us in this situation. If he didn't have so many stupid rules, we could've been together. We wouldn't have had to hide our relationship."

"We never should've been together," I say, my tone harsh. When I look at him, his eyes grow cold.

"So, I was a mistake in more ways than one, then?" His voice is like ice as the resentment in him grows.

I can't bring myself to say anything else as my throat tightens at the thought. Our relationship means more to me than he'll even know, but telling him that now won't fix anything.

"I see." The sun has fully dipped beneath the horizon, and the moon has taken its place, shining onto his face, making the red in his eyes glow.

"If you're going to kill me, just get it over with," I whisper, resigning to my fate if he so chooses.

In the blink of an eye, his hand is on my throat, pinning me to the wall again. Sebastian brings his face close to mine to whisper in my ear. "I think I'd rather see you suffer in this miserable village, even if I had loved you once."

Then he was gone, and my heart broke into a million pieces as I collapsed to the ground, tears streaming from my eyes.

---

"I thought you said you got her inside?" A woman's voice wakes me from the sleep I had found myself in.

"I did. I left her in the house just up the hill," Rowan says from behind me. I roll over to see who this new mystery person is. A beautiful woman with a curvy body and round, piercing blue eyes stares down at me—something about her calls to me.

"It looks like she's had a rough night." Rowan reaches for me, but I push her hand away.

"Who are you?" I demand as I stand.

"I'm Ana." She gives me a once-over.

"She's also a fallen angel," Rowan perks up.

"What?" I gasp.

"My full name is Ananiel." She throws a sideways glance at Rowan before smirking at her when Rowan smiles and shrugs.

"I thought you were a man?" I ask. Ananiel rolled her eyes and let out a sigh.

"It was easier to make me a man than explain that I fell for sleeping with a woman. The only sin worse than having sex as an angel is having gay sex," she says as she crosses her arms over her ample chest.

"Ahh, that makes sense, but how did you know I was here?"

"When you caused the storm with your arrival, I knew it was an angel with similar powers," she says, and analyzes me. "Didn't you feel the wind I sent? Smell a sweet fragrance?"

I thought back to those three months and how the wind felt like a friend. How had I not noticed it before? "I did, but I dismissed it as just Earth's normal behavior," I admit.

"Well, when you didn't show up, I sent Rowan to get you." Ananiel runs a loving hand along Rowan's face, and she leans into it, her hand reaching up to meet Ananiel's.

"Are you two...?" I ask as I point between them.

"Yes, we're together. Will that be a problem?" Ananiel's eyes narrow on me, with her lips pressing together.

"I'm not one to judge. Love who you want," I answer. As an angel, it was never our place to judge; that was Father's job, but I sometimes find his judgments to be unfair and unwarranted.

Why is loving someone wrong if he made us this way? It always seemed unfair to punish us for loving and wanting love from another person, humans and angels alike.

"Good. Why don't you go clean up and meet us back in the house. We have so much to discuss." Ananiel turns, grabbing Rowan's hand and walking away, leaving me to bathe in peace.

I turn from them and find the pool, removing my dress and warming the water once again. This time, I sit and let my head rest on the bank as I stare at the moon rising and the stars twinkle back into existence. Each one is a pinpoint of beauty that brings the night sky to life.

"Wow," I whisper as more and more come into view. I don't think I've ever seen the stars like this before.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" I jerk up to find Sebastian naked and stepping into the pool. It's hard to pull my eyes away from his body when he looks like a god carved from stone.

I lift my arms to cover myself. "What do you want?" I ask, eyeing him warily as he continues to walk toward me.

The water is now up to his hips, and he doesn't say anything as he takes slow, steady steps in my direction. His eyes drink me in, and maybe it's the dark playing tricks with my eyes, but it's almost like he's looking at me with longing.

"Sebastian. I'm not playing these games with you," I say. His silence only angers me.

He stops right before me and tips my chin up to look at him. "I miss you."

"I thought you wanted to kill me?" I scoff.

"I do, but sometimes I miss you more than wanting revenge." His red eyes soften, and I see the man who was charming and made me fall in love. Sebastian leans down, hesitating only a moment before his lips touch mine, and the ache to be with him is painful. My heart pounds rapidly in my chest, my ears ring, and my face heats from his touch. He kneels before me, and I find my hands reaching for him, and he gives in to my touch. His tongue brushes against my lips, and I open for him, my body melting into his embrace.

His hands caress my sides before finding my legs, lifting me so I can wrap them around his waist. Sebastian deepens our kiss, and even though everything in me screams to let him go, to push him away. I can't. My body calls to him, and I ache to feel his touch.

His hard length brushes against me, and I groan and grind against him, wanting all of him.

"Tell me you want me," Sebastian whispers against my lips, his words a desperate plea.

"I want you," I whisper back before his lips are on mine again. He slowly slides into me, and a moan escapes as he fills me so completely I wonder how we ever functioned separately.

We rock our hips in unison, and I wrap my arms around his neck, bringing him closer so I can feel every hard line of his body. His mouth moves from my lips, peppering kisses along my throat, and his thrust becomes brutal.

"I'm struggling to keep control, angel." I feel his teeth scrape along the delicate skin of my neck, and my body shivers with longing. Do I let him cross that line and feed on me, or do I stick to what I've been taught? I may regret it later, but the words leave my mouth before I can second-guess them.

"Do it." My words are husky with need.

He kisses my neck before his teeth pierce my skin, and pain sears through me, then blinding pleasure takes its place. Every thrust pushes me closer to the edge.

"Sebastian, I'm so close." I whimper as my hand sinks into his hair and he pulls back from my neck.

"I want your screams," he groans. It isn't long before each thrust of our hips has me screaming his name, as thunder claps and lightning dances across the sky.

As we both come down from our climax, he pulls away, resting his forehead on mine. "Listen to what Ana has to say, please."

"What?" I pull back and stare at him. Had he sent her? Are they working together?

"If you ever loved me, you will consider what she has to say." His eyes finally reach mine, and the pain that's etched into his features makes my heart twist with guilt.

"Okay," I relent, and then suddenly he's gone, only leaving ripples along the water in his wake.

My breath comes in heavy pants as he leaves me exhausted and sated. I finish bathing and head toward the house, now more suspicious of Ananiel and Rowan's intentions. I know I shouldn't trust anything Sebastian has to say, but the way he approached this makes me think something serious is going on.

When I enter, Ananiel moves to the table and sits down, waiting for me to join her. Once I sit, Ananiel sighs. "I'm assuming you're confused about why I'm here?"

"You could say that." I lean back in the chair, crossing my arms and moving my wings out of the way so they aren't crushed between my body and the wood.

"Well, first, I'm one of the leaders of the fallen angels, and with that, it means finding those who have recently fallen and recruiting them to join in our ranks. It doesn't happen very often, though."

"What if I don't want to join you?" I rebut.

"Then that's your choice, but you will live your life in this village alone. For all eternity. With us, you will have angels who can help you."

"Help me how?" I question, my suspicion growing.

"Well, the most basic is companionship. Unlike the original fallen angels, you're tied to this specific place. We aren't. This is father's way of further punishing you and stopping you from retaliating."

"What makes you think I want to retaliate against Him?" I say.

"Well, you fell because your charge was turned into a vampire, and he found out you were fucking him. That doesn't seem like something fall-worthy to me."

"How do you know that?" I ask, stunned that Ananiel would even speak that way to me.

"I have my ways, but that isn't important. You have been able to grant us a unique opportunity."

"Which is?" I ask, getting annoyed that she won't just get to the point.

"The fallen angels want to get rid of Father. Once you fell, we found out that he couldn't take your necklace, because it wasn't on you."

"I don't have it, and even if I did, what makes you think I would want to help you kill Father?" I ask, more edge to my voice than before.

"He cast you out because you fell in love? You lost everything." Ananiel shakes her head, sadness falling over her face as she relates to my pain, as if it's her own. But I don't want her pity.

"I broke the rules," I snap. "It's what I deserve." Guilt, shame, and embarrassment make me flush hot, and the urge to walk out the door is overwhelming, but Sebastian's voice rings in my head, and it keeps me seated.

"That's what he's conditioned you to think. Why can't angels fall in love? Because Father is selfish. He wants all the love and admiration for himself."

"Father is all-knowing and loving," I repeat the phrase that I've said over and over, but this time it feels hollow and bitter on my tongue. If he loved me, why would he cast me out for loving one of his creations? Why am I being punished for the most basic human desires?

Human desire.

I'm not human.

I'm an angel.

"Loving? He is anything but. I have lived on this earth far longer than you have been an angel, and let me tell you from experience, he does not love us or his creations. Babies die from things like cancer or are so deformed at birth that they die in their mother's arms. Does that sound loving to you?" Ananiel's voice rises, as does her passion.

"There must be a reason. He is all-knowing. He has a plan for everyone and everything." I try to defend Father as hot tears pool in my eyes, but the anger on Ananiel's face makes me waver.

"People die every day of hunger and violence. They have to pay for the things they need to survive, and if they don't have enough of the stupid paper money, they'll get sick, starve, and die. They fight wars, slaughtering each other all in the name of God. He has the power to end world hunger, to stop the killing and the violence, and you know what he does. He sits on his throne and watches it all play out like it's a sick fucking game." Ananiel slams her hand down, her body shaking with rage, and the sound of thunder claps outside, echoing her anger. I shrink back in my chair.

How can this be true?

"I..." I can't find the words to fight the claims. I had an idea that these things were happening, but I tried to reason it away with sin. That they somehow deserved what they got, because that's what Father said. Everything happens for a reason.

"He must answer for his sins." Ananiel's voice drops, and the anger morphs into an overwhelming sadness that permeates the room, making me swallow thickly.

"Is it really as bad as you say?" I ask, terrified to speak higher than a whisper.

"It's worse," Rowan says as she places a cup of steaming tea before me. "Evil is spreading through the world, devouring so many people. It makes them hard and hateful. Neighbors and families are turning on each other."

"How is this happening? Is it possible Lucifer is behind this?" I ask.

Ananiel sips her tea, which seems to have calmed her down for the moment. "Lucifer has long given up his fight against Father and has gone into hiding. No one can find him. Father is entirely to blame. At this point, I'm starting to believe he likes people tearing each other apart in his name. It's sick."

I want to ignore the things she's telling me, but when I think back to all the times I was told to ignore the terrible things I've seen, or how they tried to logic it away with rules, it has me second-guessing everything. Father could stop all the terrible things from happening, yet he didn't.

Why?

Why wouldn't he stop these awful things from happening?

"I still don't understand how I fit into all of this. I'm stuck in this village and I don't have the necklace."

"I need you to convince Sebastian to give me the necklace. He insists on coming to heaven to exact his revenge on Father, but it will only get him killed." She takes another sip of tea. "I'm stunned he made it out alive the first time." She says it more to herself than to me, but I felt the same way. Maybe since we just had sex, I could convince him to stay with me, but that's a long shot.

"He won't listen to me. He threatened to kill me a few days ago." I moved in my seat, adjusting my wings from being in the same position for a while.

"But yet here you are, alive." Ananiel challenges.

"You know we have a complex past. It won't be so simple." I shake my head at even indulging her at this point.

"Of course it won't, but I've already tried convincing him to stay out of it and hand it over. He knows the necklace is his only way into heaven, and he won't give it away. You're the only one close enough to him to get it."

I move away from the table before turning back to look at Ananiel and Rowan. "This plan won't work. We don't trust each other anymore. That became clear the moment I left him when father called me away, and he turned."

"I saw you two in the stream. He still loves you. Use that."

Heat flushes my cheeks, but I shake my head again, "I can't do this. I can't hurt him again after everything I've already done."

"Fine, then give in to him, seduce him, or rather let him believe he seduced you, and then steal back what is rightfully yours," she says and moves over to me.

"I... can't." I wrap my arms around myself and stare down at the floor.

"You can, and you must. We must hold Father responsible for the mess he has created. He must answer for his sins." Ananiel tilts my chin up to look at her.

"We never deserved this fate. Love shouldn't be punished; it should be cherished. I will leave you to think about it." Rowan moves to her side, taking Ananiel's hand before they turn and walk to Rowan's room. Before they close the door, Ananiel pops back out. "You know, if you just imagine your wings gone, they will tuck themselves away. It makes sleeping much easier."

I look at my wings, and the thought of hiding them feels foreign. "Thanks," I say before I walk up the stairs to my bed, but instead of going to sleep. I open the window and climb out onto the roof, finding a relatively safe spot to sit and stare up at the stars. I took Ananiels' advice and tucked my wings away, and the feeling was odd, but lovely that they weren't in the way.

Am I really considering going against Father? I still feel loyal to him, even though he has cast me out of heaven. I'm angry with him, but is my anger justified enough to bring him to his death?

I'm not so sure.

Everything Ananiel and Rowan said swirls in my head. The longer I think about it, the more I remember all the things I've seen, which tells me that Ananiel and Rowan aren't lying.

Then, I remember all the questions I asked that were swept under the rug as if it was of little concern. Everything Father had created is precious, but why were they subject to such abuse and neglect? They are being treated like they're disposable. One person takes the other's place in an endless cycle of violence and death, and they are fine with it because we fed them the lie that God loves them.

A lie?

Is it a lie? Was everything he taught me just another way for him to control us? If he truly loved his creations, wouldn't he want to save them from the evil he claims is Lucifer's doing?

Earth was supposed to be a paradise, and we were told that Eve's sin ruined that. But Jesus came here and died for their sins, and yet, this world is so far from a paradise. It seems like hell. But it's worse because they have to watch the senseless ends of those they love, whether it be from violence, sickness, or even dying of old age, when they were meant to live forever.

I drop my head onto my arms that are propped on my knees. My mind is running in circles on what to do. Do I think Ananiel and Rowan are right? Possibly. They weren't lying to me. But can I bring myself to betray Sebastian again? The thought makes my heart hurt and my stomach knot up, especially since we had just had that moment in the stream. Is it possible we could work this out?

Hope tells me we could, but logic tells me I have hurt him far too deeply for him to ever trust me again with his heart.

Tears spill from my eyes. If only I had disobeyed Him sooner. Sebastian would still be the man I love, and even if I fell, we would at least have each other. But I was stupid, and I tried to do what was right and follow the rules. Now I'm alone and forsaken with a broken heart.

I want to hate him for using me, for convincing me he had forgiven me for what had happened to him in my absence, but he stole my necklace and broke into heaven. The betrayal had hurt so badly; I thought my heart would stop, but it didn't, and now I'm potentially considering betraying him again. Maybe there is a way I can get him to see logic. That going to heaven a second time would be a suicide mission.

Knowing Sebastian the way I do, he wouldn't care if he didn't come back. Maybe if I hadn't betrayed him, he would have me to come back for, but that had turned to dust the moment Father called me away.

As the morning sun breaks the horizon and paints the sky in beautiful, bright colors, the birds sing their morning songs. I can see the magic and the paradise this place was meant to be. The way the sunlight sparkles on the morning dew, and the blades of grass dance in the morning breeze, is breathtaking. I'm in awe again with the beauty of this world.

Earth deserves to be the paradise it was intended to be, and it will never be that if Father remains in power. That much is clear.

So that's it.

A morning sunrise helped me finally decide after a night of contemplation.

I'm going to help kill God.